You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
