theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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