you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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