i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
