i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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