I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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