At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
