you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
