i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
