He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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