So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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