Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
