There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
