just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
