I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst night to have a conscience
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
