also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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