life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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