so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
