I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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