Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
