The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
