I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
