i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
