accomplished twins. life is a go
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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