Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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