I can text with my tongue
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
