i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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