I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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