I wannas sexs uuuuu
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
