A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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