forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
