Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They took my balls.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize