Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
