Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
