DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A+ Viking dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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