i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
