She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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