I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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