and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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