Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
