at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize