U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
