Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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