Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
