Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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