So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
