my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize