Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The beer is more important than you right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
