According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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