"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this just has baby written all over it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
