No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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