Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His hands were made for my vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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