i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COCAINE IS GR8
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
