Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
