and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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