Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
