Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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