:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
