You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
