The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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