Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
