as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize