Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
