why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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