I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude. I can hear the air.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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