I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
