When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
