i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
