used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
