you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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