I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
