After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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