I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Too much gin, very little bucket
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
