I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I could make wine with my vomit
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
