Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
