I am puke
I think I won the penis lottery.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
