we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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