I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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