Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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