just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
