24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
