A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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