Will you blow on my dice?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
